Collect jokes, funny humor?

1. The bowl falls, the big scar of the sky 2. One literary party, the host came to the stage to report: below, please enjoy: Xinjiang song and dance, set off your skull! Creepy! Intersection Intersection Intersection Intersection 3. The tiger does not get a cat, you should be sick! 4. When he was in high school, the classroom discipline was chaotic. The teacher picked up XXX in anger and said: XXX, you stand on the wall! ~~ The whole class is cold! 5. I drove at one time, and suddenly asked by the female colleague next to me: "How do you drive without a condom?" 6. I: That is our physics teacher. Essence Essence Classmate: What do you teach? Me: Chemistry. Essence Essence 7. In the Internet cafe, a classmate suddenly raised his hand and shouted, "Teacher!" 8. Our dormitory drinks too much to pee and bring out a cold story: drink too much urine, and the wine is particularly more. 9. Buy oranges, boss: a piece of five pounds. Me: Too expensive, five yuan for three pounds. Boss: No. 10. My friend asked me the computer configuration, and I said that the display was color screen. (Originally wanted to talk about LCD) 11. Junior Chinese art party, answer the questions. The hostess: "Everyone pays attention, don't grab it too fast. When I finish talking, I start to raise my hands." Then I started to read the topic, saying, "Now ..." At this time, a player answered. The host said, "This classmate is a bit anxious. I 'start' (shit) is still in the mouth, how can you grab it?" 12. I heard a mm shouting in the cafeteria, "Give me a bowl of viper ~!" 13 , One day when I went to school, I asked my classmates to pick me up and handed it to me, "Your mother **." As I answered the phone, I said casually: "Men and women" everyone laughed at me and laughed for 4 years. 14. The classmate's high school classmates (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant very cool and dumped their hair: "Boss, 2 onions don't want rice noodles!" After finishing, add a sentence: "More rice noodles!" The boss: ".... Do you want a rice noodle or onion? "15. A mother in the bedroom classmate called and I was used to saying" he is not ", but this time I want to say" I have already gone out "and say it is the result. : "He is ... is not there." 16. GG handed me an ice cream. I bite a bite and yelled: "I hot me!" 17. I went to Li Ning to buy shoes with my sister, and my sister said: "Miss, this, this, this How much is a pound of shoes? "18. Once I took a picture of my classmates in my dormitory, she said loudly," Don't shoot, I have urination in my stomach. "19. Everyone sent a chest card in high school. Essence Before the inspection, the head teacher ran to the classroom and shouted loudly. Everyone quickly put the bra and came to check. Essence The audience was silent. Essence Essence 20. Go home on weekends during school, smoke addiction after dinner, and plan to take an excuse to take a walk. When changing shoes at the door, my dad asked me why? I said casually: "Go to a cigarette!" As a result, my dad searched a pack of 555 from me, and kick me. 21. A leadership of the Education Bureau inspected the exercises during the class. After the end, the physical education teacher should have been announced to "dissolve", but for a while, forgotten, for a long time, shouting, "Retreat!" It exactly looks like Luo Jiaying (playing Tang Seng in the West), I went to ask him the question and blurted out: "Teacher Tang, this question ..." 23. One day, I drove on the road to the tire on the road. Colleagues said, "Everyone is everywhere on the street!" 24. There is a teacher probably mahjong all night. Seeing that the blackboard is not wiped, he is angry: "Who is a village today? Blackboard doesn't wipe it!" 25. Once my uncle saw it My aunt was in Dabao, and suddenly yelled: "Your skin is so good, and still use protective Shubao?" 26. The teacher left the homework. : "I'm finished!" 27. Once, we went to Huangshan to travel. The tour guide just introduced: Hundreds of cloud ladders were the attractions of Liu Xiaoqing [[Xiaohua]]. Suddenly, a man in our group blurted out: "Director ..." "Everyone dizzy. 28. At that time, several female classmates came to my house to play. I went to get the water. They turned on the video of the disk to watch the movie. I heard Cantonese in the house, and then I shouted that the sound was wrong. Speaking, my face is one rainbow and one purple ~~ I almost fainted ~ ~ 29. I went home with MM from school. I saw a barbecue in front of the school gate. There were more people in the predecessor, and when the boss could not hear, he shouted loudly: "Boss, 5 bunches of cow whip" and then silent, and everyone laughed together in three seconds. I am embarrassed. Essence Essence The most embarrassing thing is that MM then asked "what is the cow whip" and even answered MM very, very, "The bull whip is the ox tail". Essence 30. I quarreled with my MM phone call. She drove the TV volume a lot. I was annoyed and said, "Turn off the phone!" Now I think of it, that cold! 31. In the morning, go to one of the breakfast with your classmates to eat only buns and the other. We are saying that the two of them eat the stuffing classmates when they eat, "After you eat my foreskin," all the porridge was sprayed out. 32. To say a real thing, on the factory car at work, MM asked me: My computer is no longer possible, always die. I said: Then you go back to check the virus, remember to upgrade the antivirus software. MM: Oh. Early the next morning, I saw MM again in the car. I asked casually: Have you checked it? how? Then. Essence Essence Essence Essence Essence Essence Essence Essence MM said loudly: I was so angry that I checked for a long time and said it was not poisonous. What do you say? Intersection Intersection That cold at that time. Essence Essence Essence I still remember Youxin 33. A high school classmate of a classmate in my dormitory called. Who he said, I said no, and then said thank you 34. Before that someone came to my aunt's house as a guest and just entered the door. It happened that my aunt was going to the toilet. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "You sit and sit, I go to the toilet to pour you tea and drink it!" 35. In the past, we had a political and economic teacher who especially liked it! Once talking about Meiyuan strong. He said that, "You know why only Meiyuan is called 'US dollars', but never heard of" Yingjin "and 'Fajin'?" During the military training of the university, the instructor yelled: Use you and guys to use you and guys. The side light (Yu Guang) is aligned ~~~~ I want to laugh and dare not laugh, that sad .... 37. The female classmate and her cousin invite me to eat, let me eat more during the table, I don’t have more, I don’t, I don’t Knowing how to make the following mistakes: "Thank you, it's not sex recently u003C! -> Desire, you eat more!" Everyone sprayed meals at that time. Essence 38. Our unit has a car pick -up at work in the morning, because the car is not large. Once, there was no seat after a MM on the car. Sit on my ass! "I always laughed at the bus ~! 39. In the past, I was obsessed with online games and often killed the sky in the Internet cafe. After the semester, I went home with a buddy, and the train was about to drive. How do you even have a coordinate here (in fact, you have to find a sign)! ~ "The buddy laughed after listening ~~ 40. When I lived in school, I paved up and down. A mobile phone must be charged at a time. But a bed is a socket, and the table lamp cannot be charged after reading the lamp. Therefore, A inserts the charger on B. B to listen to music at night, seeing A's charger yelled: "Hey, I said how do you always insert me on it? Why don't you insert you under?" The elementary school teacher scolded me: "I slap you out of you!" At that time, I wanted to laugh but dare not laugh. 2. When I was in junior high school, the teacher asked us to evaluate ourselves. I said, "Fan came to reach out", and my seat took the sentence: "The clothes come to the mouth" everyone laughed !!! 3. In junior high school in junior high school Our math teacher surnamed Jiang asked him a question at a time. He wanted to call the teacher. After thinking about 0.001 seconds, he wanted to call Teacher Jiang. As a result, he opened: Lao Jiang! The classmates are hilarious, and I am cold! 4. I took the physical education class in junior high school. I was sick that day. I was a sports member. After letting everyone line up, I originally wanted to give the leave to the sports teacher. As a result, I felt a dime banknotes. I haven't responded yet. After "I ask for a vacation", everyone laughed, and some people said "bribery" "too corruption" and "not enough." The teacher was also very happy. In a week, I became a topic ,,, cold. Essence Essence 5. Director of the High School Political and Education Office criticized some boys who like to watch hair films at a whole school report: "Don't be proud, but ashamed", laughing a large 6. On the playground, the teacher said: The female classmate stood on the right side of me, and the others didn't move in place ...... As a result, he didn't move. 7. One day the rain was raining outside, and the teacher walked into the classroom with a rainwater face. I didn't know what was looking for in front of the table. After finding it for a while, I asked the front row classmates: "What about my face? A mathematical teacher lectured on a square transformation, and drank loudly on the sleeves on the podium: Classmates pay attention, I want to be transformed! ... 9. The classmates made a noise below, and the teacher said: "You stand for me to the wall Go! Intersection 10. The junior high school teacher likes to use it in it ... "My bottom radius is 20cm, and my height is 50cm, then I ..." Someone said, " "11. High School Algebra Teacher" "Speak no sound!" 12. The bowl fell, and the scar of the sky 13. There was a teacher's mahjong all night, seeing the blackboard without rubbing, and anger: "Who is sitting in the village today? Don't wipe the blackboard! "14. In junior high school, Hou Shengbi wants to wear school uniforms, but there are always people who do not wear school uniforms or only wear pants or only clothes. Before the flag raised, the principal took a tone tape and said: "Some students do not wear clothes, some students do not wear pants, and some simply do not wear clothes and pants!" 15. One literary party, the host came to the stage to report: Please enjoy below: Xinjiang singing and dancing, setting off your skull! Creepy! Intersection Intersection 16 Tigers do n’t have cats, you are sick when I am sick! 17. A student participated in the school ’s recitation competition for the first time. It was particularly nervous. The teacher encouraged for a long time, and his palms were sweating. It was finally her turn. As soon as the students gritted their teeth, they walked to the center of the Taipu: "Teachers, classmates, the topic I recite is: Hongye Crazy (Maple) ..." 18. And students, see the teacher ordered by the teacher to read it to studying. The classmates of the composition are particularly envious, and I always hope that the teacher can let himself read it once. The opportunity came. "Mo, you can read your composition!" Student "" "" "My Teacher". Teacher, I am like your mother ... ": (19. Yes, yes, yes Once I watched Dou Wentao about the embarrassment when he was just a host, he didn't say that the opening was a curtain! Do you have seen the Yellow River? Do you know that it is our mother river ~~ "After introducing the Yellow River affectionately, he said," Please listen to the "Song of the Yangtze River" 20. Go to the class in high school to go to the physical examination in the class. In the same class, a mm of the same class found that the blood pressure for himself turned out to be a male classmate in junior high school. It seemed to be internship there. The MM's sleeves could not be drove up. Take off your pants? The boy's face was red, and said: Ah, no need. Then MM is probably cold. 21. I went to McDonald's to buy a sweet bucket at a time. ! "I didn't expect the waiter to say loudly to me;" Two drums, four dollars! "22. I met a long -awaited girl out of the bathhouse and wanted to be almost set. Take a bath, there are so many men in it? "23. Once, he talked with the bedroom friends. He said he would not win me, and scolded," You are my grandfather's son! " . Go to visit the factory and see a pipeline, and I blurt it out: "What kind of goods are there in this abortion line?" 25. There was an wrong person on the road and slapped it on the road. As soon as I was nervous, I said: It's okay, I confessed it ... 26. One ktv, a song, and a mm shouting: Give me a "double Jaylen" of the stick in the first week ... On the day of the driver's license, the examiner was embarrassed and told him to park on the roadside. This king said nervously: "Report fire hydrant, there is a examiner on the roadside, no parking is allowed!" 28. Once we In the evening, I was talking about the advertising words in the TV. At this time, some people talked about a soft word, saying that "the hair is without a trace, the dandruff is more outstanding" !!!!! 29. Ask, "Dad, where are you?" The father and adult on the phone over the phone were stunned. Answer: "I'm in the unit!" Who? Do you think I have grown up for meals? "I always wondered what he had eaten 31. When my grandfather was 6 years old, I died !!! I hope it can help you!